Five Zany Christmas Traditions

16Dec11

Since Christmas isn’t really more than an appropriated version of pagan solstice celebrations, it makes sense that some of the traditions associated with the holiday are akin to something from Grimms’ Fairy Tales. Here are some of the most interesting:

1. Catalonian Christmas
Definitely the weirdest Christmas on Earth, I am not even sure where to start with this one. I have to say that seeing this thing on Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations Holiday Special is what made me start thinking about all this in the first place (although #4, Zwarte Piet, really made me write a post.). It begins in Catalonia, where they have a christmas log (“Tió de Nadal“). On Christmas, they put the log into the fireplace and tell it to take a shit, and to encourage the activity, they begin beating him with the log stick. The log then craps out candies and nuts as the family hits it with a stick and sings a song like the one from No Reservations below. And let’s not forget about El Caganer (“The Pooper”) who craps on a log at the periphery of the nativity scene.

2. Krampus
Basically Demon Santa and, not surprisingly, 100% Germanic. He thoroughly enjoys whipping children with his switch. When he finds a particularly naughty child, the Krampus carries the kid off in his sack. Accurately depicted to the left seated upon a handsome pony.

3. Olentzero
In Basque country, a descendant of mythological giants who, rather than become a Christian, asked his neighbors to throw him off a cliff to his death. Inadvertently living thorugh the debacle, he became a weird Santa-like figure. Although now people carry effigies of him around the town, he used to threaten to cut children’s throats if they cheated on their pre-Christmas fasts.

4. Zwarte Piet
In bold racist form, Dutch Santa is served by men in blackface wearing golden hoop earrings and bright red lipstick and is described as stupid and “mischievous but rarely mean-spirited.” He helps Santa hand out the gifts, or more commonly, candy. Bad kids are carried off in a burlap sack to Spain, where Zwarte Piet and Santa (inexplicably) reside in the off-season. To no surprise, most foreigners find the entire tradition racist.

5. Kentucky Fried Christmas
In keeping with a long line of off-the-wall cultural norms, a popular Christmas meal in Japan is KFC. They even dress up the Colonel like Santa. You can order your meal, which includes Christmas cake, up to two months in advance of the holiday. Good bless American marketing.

As I bid you all a Merry Christmas, I leave you with Werner Herzog musing upon the human condition whilst reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas:

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Tags: catalonia, christmas, el caganer, krampus, no reservations, olentzero, zwarte piet